"Ma? Paminawa sah ko kadali."
"Ma? Dili ko okay."
"Ma? Im in pain."
"Ma? Wa ko kasabot sa akung gibati."
"Ma? Na kaya naku nga samdan akung kaugalingon para mas ma feel naku ang kasakit sa samad kaysa sa kabug'at sa feeling sa akung dughan."
"Ma? I think I can manage to kill myself."
--
Ma? These are the words i want to say pero di ko kasulti kay kahibw ko di mo motoo naku. Ma? Naa na sad. Nibalik nasad siya. Og karun mas ni grabi na. Before i can manage to control myself, but not now. The emptiness i feel gets deeper and deeper. The emotions im feeling gets heavier and heavier. Ma? The mask im wearing everyday, is not enough to hide what i feel. The emotions im feeling right now, started to leak and those are my tears. Ma? Nahadlok ko nga mas mo grabi pa ni akung na feel. Wala nakuy tog for 4 nights, wa nakuy gana mokaon, wa nay gana e trabaho. Ma? Nagkahinay hinay nakug kawad'an og rason para mabuhi. My emotions telling me that even my daughter is not enough reason to live. Ma? Okay pa ko ani ma? Ma? Ma okay pa ko ani? Emptiness, loneliness, heartaches and other unidentified feelings i cant explain. Ma? Sauna, maghinoktok ra ko. Pero karun dili na. I manage to cut myself. And i feel something strange. The pain i feel from cutting myself is much better than my unexplained emotions. I think physical pain is the only key para mawagtang akung gibati deep inside me. Ma? Can you please ask me, if im okay? Ma? Pwd pugson ko nmu og maayu para masulti naku sa imuha tanan? Ma? Can you please hug me? Ma? Im feeling down. I may look happy outside but to be honest, im dying inside. Ma? I think i can manage to kill myself. Ah no! I CAN KILL MYSELF IF I WANT TO. Ma? Mahadlok ko basin di ni naku makaya. Ma? I dont want this feeling anymore. I cant take it any longer. Ma? Can i give up? I dont think i can do it anymore. 💔
P.S. sender of Mild Depression
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