"That Should be Me"

I had my first relationship of a girl wayback in highschool. Im not a bisexual at first or what, pero siya rajud ang girl na akong naibgan since. Well, she's a lesbian. She cross-dress, pero dili siya ang type sa lesbian na jeje. Classy kaayo siya mo dress up, neat kaayo, bright sad and RK kaayo. 2nd year HS mi ato duha nagkauyab. I experienced all of my first time's with her. Mo two years nami eventhough wala kabalo ang akong parents. I was afraid that time na masakpan mi. I was a coward. I never tried to open up our relationship to my parents. Normal raman siguro ng mahadlok ta diba? Samot nag dili open minded atong parents. Nagthink ko na if ako sila sultian ato, they will only shove it into my face that homosexuality is a sin. And I can't stand that. I don't want my parents to be disappointed by me. They expect a lot coming from me. We are not that wealthy. I am very serious sa akong studies, I wanted to be a lawyer. Dili ko bright, dili sad ko bugo. Moderate lang. I thought our relationship will remain as a secret until one night, my parents confronted me na nakabalo sila. Disappointed kaayo sila and tanang sakit na storya ilang gi sulti nako. Dili daw sila ganahan sa akong uyab aside from being a lesbian, bisan daw og dato mura daw og walay plans sa iyang kinabuhi. Kay known man ang akong uyab na party animal kaayong dako. My parents told me to date a man with goals and ambitions. Dili ng magsalig sa iyang parents. Pero wala ko nagpatuo pero medjo na discourage pud ko. Wala nako gisultian akong uyab ato kay basin niya og ma down siya. Im just trying to protect her feelings. So kami ra japon. Fast forward, it was February 14. Yep, Valentine's Day. So my gf took me to a fancy dinner. I was happy that she is very consistent and no single occasion iyang gikalimtan. She is very sweet, and ma effort. I know love kaayo ko niya. But, I am disappointed when I found out that she is almost failing her two of her subjects. I am very worried na dili siya maka graduate so I confronted her after dinner, let's call her C and I am M:

Me: Maybe, if imo undangon ng sige kag party maka pasar ka ana nga subject

C: Dont worry babe. I will try harder this finals. 

Me: Let's go home

I was very upset kay cool ra siya kaayo ga sulti. Like murag wala jud syai pakialam sa iyang failing subjects. The car ride back home was very silent. Tanan nga storya sa akong parents, ni sink in sa akong hunahuna. So I broke the silence

Me: C, kanus-a jud ka magtinarong sa imong pag skwela?

K: what are you talking about? Ga tinarong man ko oy

Me: Alright? So what are your plans in the future? Have you figured it out kung unsa jud imong ganahan after high school?

C: I dont know? 

Me: Grow up! You're too immature! You think that partying is cool? Just because dato ka, magsige nalang kag salig sa imong parents!

C: Are you serious? Mag away jud ta karon?

Me: Get your shits together! Or else..

C: Or else what?!

Me: You know? I've been thinking a lot lately, I dont want to be with you anymore

C: What? Just mins ago ingon kang love ko nimo and karon dili naka gusto nako? What kind of joke is that? I tell you its not fucking funny

Me: Well, then deal with it! I am not joking. I dont want to be with someone anymore who doesn't have any ambitions and goals in life! 

C: Babe, Im sorry. I promise to work my ass off. Just dont break up with me please??? 

Me: Im sorry too but just respect my decision

And with that, I went off the car and went inside our house. I left her there with a confused look and after a few mins, nilarga rasad siya. I love her but love isn't enough to make a relationship work esp if it involves our personal needs. I knew that my parents was right. And this is the right decision. I know harsh ra kaayo ko kay highschool pami but ako na sya gi pressured but daghan pa kaayo kog gusto ma fulfill sakong life maong na discourage nako kay highschool pa gani, pabaya na kaayo.

Since that night, sige sya'g call and text nako 24/7. Sige siya og ask og pwede ba matigkita nako, since lahi ni og school. I chose to ignore her. Days becomes weeks. And naa ko'y na ila ila na guy. 1st year college siya taking up PolSci. So I was very stunned kay bright kaayo siya and klaro jud na naay plans sa kinabuhi. Gentleman pud siya. So nadevelop dayun ko niya. Sigeng ga drunk-text akong ex nako. Nakaingon kos akong hunahuna nga bataot rajud kaayo siya. So Im better off without her. Graduation is fast approaching, and M.U nami ni Guy. Still, sige japon gatext ag akong ex nako. Until Graduation Day na, I graduated as class Valedictorian. Ang ni attend kay akong parents and si Guy. So happy kaayo akong parents nako. Proud kaayo sila nako. Until the end of the ceremony, niduol lang kalit akong ex nako. Gadala og bouquet and a gift. Knowing na ilang Graduation Day kay a day ahead sa amoa. I felt bad knowing wala ko ni attend or ni congrats pero mas maayo nalang na para wala najud mi connections. She approached me and said:

C: Babe, congratulations. Im very proud of you. Im sorry if we ended that way. I graduated too if you haven't knew. You never came but I guess its not important anymore. I want you back now.

Im trying to hold back tears because I pity her kay wala siya kabalo na nana ko'y ka M.U. And my father gave me a disapproving look. So I have to be firm

Me: C, Im sorry. But I am happy and well now. And congratulations too.

C: Is that him? 

Me: Im really sorry. 

C: So you're throwing away our 2year relationship just because of him?

Me: I really like him and he has the qualities of my ideal guy. Can we just both move on? Im so sorry

C: I hope you made the right choice. Just take this instead. Im happy for you

Then she walked away. Tears streaming down her face. And I felt relieved na wala najud mi. During summer, our relationship with my bf is doing fine. I never heard anything coming from C since that very day she walked away. I never seen her also. Im happy that she never bothered me. 

Fast forward, first year college nako. And second year college na si guy, okay ra kaayo japon mi. Responsible kaayo siya and na compare nako na basin og kami pa sa akong ex, basin sige ra japon to og laag. Years passed, nagsugod na ang kalisod. Karma really is a bitch. Wala naka graduate si Guy but ako ni graduate ko og PolSci. We decided to moved to another city and live together. Kay we love each other man japon. Pero nagduhaduha nako kay dili na sya same before.

He suddenly changed. Like everytime mag away mi, iya kong taasan sa iyang tingog. He's not the same anymore. Kada uli niya, sigeng hubog. Hangtod nagka utang utang siya sige sa pasugalan. Pag gradute nako, I decided nalang na mag teach part time kay wala ko'y enough budget para i'proceed og law. My dreams shattered into pieces. We found out that I am 3weeks pregnant. My bf became angry because he's not yet ready to become a father. As if I am ready to become a mother! Wala pa siya'y trabaho, ako pa ang gabuhi namo so unsaon nalang namo pag raise among anak?! I am very frustrated and nakaingon kong karma nani nako. I ended up asking help from my parents but they refused to help kay ako daw ning binuhatan! How cruel could they be? Ang akong bf iya pajud ipa abort among baby. 2months of my pregnancy, I can't stand seeing my bf getting home fully drunk anymore. So I decided to break up with him. He immediately agreed. What an asshole! I got myself an apartment. Its not that big kay mao rajud akong ma afford. Continue ra japon ko'g teach part-time hangtod sa nanganak ko. Yes, without the help of my ex-boyfriend, parents or anyone. Luoy kaayo ko kay ako ako rajud intawon ang niadto sa hospital tong pag panganak nako. Wala jud ni contact akong ex-bf. Pero my parents contacted me and the day after ko nanganak, ni visit sila nako. They said sorry and ako rasad gipasaylo.

I gave birth to a baby girl. Fast forward, 2years old na akong baby. I noticed na naa siyai mga skin rash so niadto mi sa hospital para ma check. They referred me into a pedia, I waited patiently sa akong priority number para ma tawag. Then my turn came, I entered the clinic to see the pedia who is assigned to my baby. I noticed a woman sitting into her table, whom I assumed is the doctor. Nag headset siya and murag busy kaayo sa iyang phone. Nakahunahuna ko nga chill raman kaayo ning doctoraha oi. Mura mag walay pasyente. So niduol ko sa iyang desk and ni greet niya og ''Good morning Doc'' pero wala siya kadungog. Hapit nako ma bwesit niya. So I tapped the desk. Ni look up siya, and we locked eyes. It seems that destiny now is playing with me....

Pero diri usa kutob ako story. Sa part'two na ang sunod kay medjo busy ko. Sorry kung bitin. I will send the second part sooner. 

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