Foreign Casino Agent

NOTE: 

Its a long confession. Its up to you to take risk. And its legit. Legit pas inyong ka char char . Bleeee 

Hello readers! Orayt! title palang mka curious na no? Aww curious ba kaha pud mo or assuming napud ko haha. Aww taysa, di ta mang laktod great sa ta ninyo bi kay para nindot ang agi sa inyong pagbasa run 😄. Mabuhay pilipinas! Maayong adlaw dra tagsa2x sa inyo. Ready na ba ta? Awww sige padayon ta, sa tinood lang i dont know unsaon pag narrate dre ug story kay nalimot nakus unsay instruction adtong akong teacher saona about aning letter formula kunohay, aww mao ba na? Bahala na oy, kamo nay sabot ug wa mo ka gets aww daghan na ta 😂. So ni share ko dre kay wala koy pren na pwede mka heart to heart talk . Tinood wa jud koy PREN nga maingon nakug counted as my BEST. Naa bay uban dre naa daw friend pero friend ra kung nay e share sa imo about thier ups and down kanang excited kaayo ebalita ilang updates pero ug ikaw na gali, wapakels besh. Daghan pag isues and critics madawat nmu wa pa gali ka kaabot ug tunga sa imong storya. Naa moy ingana nga mga FRIENDS WANNA BE DAW? kay ako , im PROUD to say daghan jud sila. Duhhh? 😄 oy nitipas nman diay tas title oy. Balik tas agi bi. Akoy lead kuyog2x na laman mo hahaha . Bitaw sugdan na nato .

Way back 2019, i was really devastated kay my OGL (One Great Love) died due to cardiact arrest, and imagine wala sya namatay in front of us, not in our sight and arms. He died daplin sa kalsada. On the way sya pauli gkan dula ug badminton and nag sieszure ( baw sakto ba nang spelling, pasensya nanobra akung ka bright pati correct spelling unsure na kay ko 😄 ) So to make that scenario short gidala syas ospital but dead on arrival. I was so shocked pagka dawat nakog call from hospital nurse na pa adtoon kog emergency in urgent kay gidala si OGL didto . Ug pag abot nku sa emergency wala na, lifeless na sya. Ingon ang doctor cardiac arrest ang cause of death, i was so hesitant to believe its cardiac arrest kay as far as i know he is healthy, no heart problem symptoms, though ga gain noon syag weight. So ana ang doctor na adtoon naku ang municipyo kay rescue ambulance sa municipyo ang gadala they cant tell the main cause kay dead on arrival na lagi cya if i need investigation daw need ipa autopsy. So niadto kog municipyo and then gipa check naku ang cctv , nakita gyud noon didto nga gi tabang sya and after 20 minutes nag siesure syag kalit. We have daughter , yes chakto inyo pagbasa naa mi anak, in fact carbon copy jud sa iya. Our daughter is 1 year and 7 days age pa at that time. So igo ra jud nka 1 year old amo daughter and then boooom niuli na sya. Niuli na sya sa langit! Sakit kaayo ang tagbo naku anang tuiga. Feeling naku wala nay lami mabuhi sa kalibutan. Love kaayo naku sya and i know love sad mi nya kaayo. I am his first and last girlfriend. Yes girlfriend kay wa sya kaabot sa among plan wedding date. Live in pa mi and we independently live together away from our parents. Dili mi taga cebu jud. I promised him before sya gi lubong, I promised him na dili jud naku sya ibaylo sa ubang laki, kay i believe wala nay pareha nya. bsag dili na sya mag exist sa amung mga mata , I believe,still we are connected to each other. Kanang feel naku na there is an invisible web connected to us nga dili mabogto. I know that before he lost his last breath, in his heart and mind was us , his daughter and me waiting for him to come home and he fail because its his time already, he had no more time left to say goodbye. The whole year was so dark to me. Niagi kog depression double depression pa jud from Postpartum unya sa iyang pagka wala. No one knows sa akong tinood na mental isues kay dili ko ga share sa uban about it kay dili ko gnahan nga it will end up like ilang e comment is duhh? Drama ra na oy. Mka move on ra ka ana. Pag move on kay naa kay anak. Maka kita pa kag laki lagi, daghan laki sa kalibutan. Bata pa ka, makakita pa kag laki. Mga ingana na comment ba. Realistic advice pero dili helpful to my grieving soul. Dapat pud unta apilan pud ug buwak2x nga storya kanang pang cheer up or motivational words or wisdom advice ba hahaha. So i keep it to myself nlang but siguro naa say nakabantay sa akung mga post and shared posts before . Gang ganun lang tayo diba? Ug di kaya eloom shared posts kunohay , girls gnern tayo . I even attempt suicide in front of my daughter. Pero gi guidedan guro kos ginoo ato kay akung anak gi tutokan rman ko wa hinoon naku tiwasag took akung liog . Aww shani ba sie 😅. Ishaaaa prank ra diay to haha. So mao to tungod sa akung ka depressed wa na nagka dimao ang akung mga decision makings sa life, daghag mga mistakes and wrong move samot kog ka down. And then niabot manis Covid sa pilipinas nah perting malasa na jud sa kinabuhi. Single mom nako ug i live alone with my daughter sa usa ka mini apartment danha sa consolacion cebu. 

Ff ta: Febuary 2021

I decided na mooli sa akung yutang natawhan. Sa BOJOL! Aww Bohol diay . Sus jud ajaw mog kagool kay dili gajud ko mag gajud gajud ug mag unja unja dre kay dili mo mka sabot. Majarok unja na injong gipang hawiran dha ja basig mag tujok tujok na injong mga mata drag bumasa 😂 Unja nakasabot mo? Aww dili nlang ta mo lisod lisoron bi, mangabali unya na inyong dila ug adjust. 😂 So padayon ta, niuli gyud mig bohol kay sa bohol i can guarantee na mas safe jud magpuyo dre kay naa mis probinsya naas bukid amuang balay ug lagyo sa silingan ug naa akung family. Hadlok baya tong covid ato na time kay perti jung lockdown sa cebu , tibook kalibutan jud. Karun murag dili naman ta makuratan ayo anang covid gud , aww basig ako ra puy dli n kayo makuratan, apil sad siguro mo oy kay sige nman mog laag2x diha bi. Adaaah bisag ting pandemeya di jud mapugngan ang liesure time sa tawo oy. Padayon lang bisag gaka lisod,reselient baya ta matod pang steffi haha. ( timan e ag correct-wrong spelling ha , kamo nay adjust 😂) Pag abot naku dres bohol , na kay perte man sang laaya oy. Pulos sagbot nga green akung makita. Kalubihan, kakahoyan,ug rice fields , tingog sa langgam ug unsa pa ng mga mananap na mutingog diha 😆. Nindot man sya kay peaceful jud , mka buhi ug kalag. Makaingon jud kag “ Finally i find my lost soul here “ Natural nature is the best therapy baya. Akong usual routine dre kay mag sig tanga , usahay mag hike sa bungtod para mka kitag breathtaking view unya mag muni2x lami kay e singgit ug daooo min zueeeeeee!!! Nganong gi biyaan ko nimooooooohhh. With echo effect Wooowooohw woow woooow 😂 grabi kay ka drama sa? Tgaan sa natog patalastas bi ky seryoso namn lgi tag dagway dra. Haha Bitaw it takes time man jud usa nato ma accept ang mga heartbreaks nato. So what i did, para mka move forward, i take time to myself ,i take my free time to find myself back. I embrace my pains because i know i wouldnt pass this nor move forward if i will be coward to embrace it. Thats the best healing process for me. Feel your emotions, feel your pain , find your peace and inner self in nature’s arm . Its indeed a best therapy. Trust your healing process . 

Its been a month na ang nilabay and nka feel napud kog boredom sa akung life dres probinsya laay na kaayo napul an naku sig tanga.Gusto napud kog new environment pero dili pa mka gawas for outbound travel kay banned pa kay si covid wala pa pud ka move on, sige gyapon ug paramdam bisag klaro na kaayong wa jud tawon niangay ang mga tawo nya. Kitang tawo juy ga adjust niya no. Long live kaayo si covid taas ug radar . 

So sa akung ka laay i decided to go back on my social medias. Chaaaar morag peymows haha . So nag install kog instagram kay wa nman ko ganahi sad sa facebook, daghag toxic sa facebook oy. Wa koy real friends didto. Instagram ra ta kay para rman nis mga maanyag. Kay feeling gwapa man ko nag himo jud kog instagram . Post dayog mga pictures nga kunohay murag pang pro kunog pose . Instagramable ka ba? Haha . Dili ko gwapa bitaw. Hala no naabot ta dreng dapita nga wala pa moy hanaw kung unsa ko ka feeling gwapa hahaha. Na drawing na ba ninyo akung dagway dha sa inyong imagination? Bi atong e polish. Well, i have a long and pointed nose ( Chaaaar pero tinood na ha ) pero medjo dako akung mata. ( oh klarohag drawing kay basig masobraan ra sad na ha. Unsa nalang juy labas ana 😆 ) Nipis akung lips , sakto ra gud matawag naku nig normal lips 😄. Im morena kay im pure dalagang pilipina . 5 ft tall. Ug im skinny . Pareha anang mga korean size ba nga dli loboton dili pud dakog kapayas. Ohhh sakto na oy basig mawad an mog gana 😄 . Di baya jud ko gwapa . AMFEELING lang jud. Di ko maolaw kay i know kamo pud mas labaw’ng mga feeling gwapa haha daghan tang feeling gwapa. Ana jud claim it! Wa may bati nga gihimo ang ginoo. We are the most beautiful creatures na iyang nahimo. So gwapa gyud ta. Diba? Tando nalang mo para swertion mos lablayp puhon . 😆

Dili lang naku e detail tanan nakung sakit na past ha kay nyag ma gool nya mo . Makahilak nya mog isa ka baldi haha . Ari tas medyo kilig2x pero ako ray gikilig . Sama ninyo gud nga langas kaayo basta mo tagad or makadawat ug text/chat sa inyong ideal man nya diay to igo ra gipa fall . Looya sa ekonomiya aning nanggi assume oy , appeaer bi . 

April 2021

Nag scroll2x kos insta , stalk sa mga artista. Chismosa baya tas update aning atong mga peyboret na artista. Kalit nay ni pop up 1 message and notif. Akong gi check ang message request. 

Your feeds is full of beautiful pics . 

So curious kog unsay gama aning sender. So i check his profile.Wala may pictures nya oy, pulos ra mga landscape photography ug pokemon collections nya. Wierd kay naa pa diay tawo mo collect ug pokemon cards run? Haha So ga libog ko if ako ba replayan kay dili man jud ko tig reply ug message gud samot nag way face reveal sa mga posts. Basig posser diay bi or scammers haha . But lahi man gud iyang intro message unlike anang uban diha nga sig “ hi or hello “ hello how are you doing “ duhh ka basic ba oy way lami . Basta ingana gani na intrada gara2x ray tuyo ana nya ending diay to kay uyabon ka or for fun ray tuyo. Sorry ha pero mao jud nay ako thoughts basta ingana ka simple ang message. Chaaaar ka choosy ba oy. Murag pang artista ang ka gwapa. Di baya jud hahaha. So kay alangan man ug akong e seen zone , respetar pud ta oy. Murag gud ug kamo hagiton ug tagay di kunohay pero ug pugson aww sige respetar nlang kuno pud. Abawwwo haha. So I replied “ ohhh thank you “. Mao ra na oy, simplehan lng gud. Pero wait sa unsa gali toy next convo? Yawacca nalimot man ko, aysa ha ako sa e backread. Pesti na block kog unsay sunod e narrate. Haha lisoda man diay mag gama ug story telling dre uy . Pero hala sige nalang padayonon ta ni dili pwedeg undangon ta ni and left you guys hanging sama anang imong ka char char nga ni kuyog nas hangin gibiyaan kang way closure . Haha merisi assuming man awww merisi apil diay pud ko. Appear ta bi. Daghan man jud siguro ta no? Bitaw dara, iyang response . Tawgon nato syag pokemon kay hilig mag pokemon cards. Ako tawga nlang pud kog dora kay apil man sad kos tig abang anang dora the explorer saona sa katong bata pa ko. Pero di pud ko prehong dora sigeg latagaw, mangita nlang sa map kay di katood. 😂 where’s the map where’s the map? 😂😂

Pokemon: Where are you from?

Dora: Philippines. And you? 

Pokemon: Washington states 

Hala no? Afam diay ni? Abi kog pinoy ra nya English2x kunohay arun ingnon pormal.Moingon man kaha ni run ug send n***s , wnna see my eggplant ? na patay atong kigol ani. kay basta afam gali mao jud nay una mo sink in sa akung huna2x kay lagi ingon sila bastos ug open minded jud ning mga afam. Nya kay na curious naman jud ko kay basta afam lamig genes . Nya dili pud guro tanan afam bastos oy. Mao tong padayon ta dzai. Basin diay ma divert akung broken heart ug at least dili ko mag sig overthink sa akung kamingaw ni OGL.So nag get to know each other sa mi sa among mga basic infos murag biodata ba. Hahaha . He’s 28 and im 25 aww medyo match ras age. Dili diay ni gurang na afam. Iyang work kay casino gambling agent. Oy! Ka risky ba diay sa work ani unya un usual kaayo sya para sa akua. Unya basig mo gambling sad ni na mura , mka turn off man sad ning mka meet tag sugarol oy. Biya! Inilog! Puti,pula! Aww sani sa manok man diay na nga sugal. Laysho gamay man diay ning iyaha kay casino. Hahahah So para matubag akong curiousity if unsa juy gama ani nya as agent . Ga reply ko.

Me: Its a risky job i guess. 

Him: No, safety matters will be handled by the casino securities. My work is to monitor and secure documents of the players. And its interesting job to say the least. 

( Wa man ko kasabot sa workflow ani nya kay karun pa sad ko nasayod aning gambling agent. Ang akong nabal an nga agent is kato ramang agent sa call center og detective agents. 😂)

Me: Do you play in casino too? 

Him: Before i tried, but not in my workplace coz its not allowed for us workers to play inside. but i dont play now. 

Me: ohhh okay

Him: do you have casinos near you? 

Me: Nope, but in the city there is. I dont like gambling.

Him: Yeah its a waste of money.

Me : You’re right. 

So padayon gyapon kog response nya kay okay ra dili man diay pud sugarol. May nalang malingaw ko . Mawala akong ka boredom sa life. So mao to share2x namis among stories in life . 

Me: Why you message me? How did you find me? 

Him: I was scrolling on single mom posts on insta feeds then i saw your post and check your feeds. You have beautiful pictures. 

Me: ohh okay , but cant see any pictures of you in your feeds, im curious how you look like. 

So mao to ga send syag picture nya . Ohhh shit shana-ol lami. Hahaha piste gwapoha oy! Baw unsay color sa iyang mata oy. Basta dili jud sya black or brown. Blue or green man siguro na mura color blinded man diay nis dora abawo ana nlang tas “or” oy haha .Ka lamig genes yowo. Pero basig kinawat ra diay to no or posser diay hahahaha piste na, di ko mo sugot ug prank ni. So i ask live picture kanang boomerang ba pra sure jud nga dili ni scam iyang ka gwapo. So nag send sad sya apil whole body. Sheyt, enemel lami aw attractive kay syag physical appearance oy. Iyang body figure kay same anang ky hashtag charles kieron sa showtime. Dili ingon nga mascular ky wla pa ko kita nga topless sya haler dili na pwede mangayo tg topless ha na pero basin sunod nalang , hoysssh bashtosh 😆🙈. So mao to exchange pictures nami pero dili naked pictures guys ha , dili ta ana . Wrong na haha.

He asks about my life. So ako na feeling comfortable na . Wala ko nag hesitant ug share sa akung sad life, akung gi share sa iya ang mga downs . He cheer me up and iya kung gi motivate. So lahi sya. Dili sya anang typical na mga foriegn men na bastos . Mao to naabot tos topic na he ask our currency. Yes i told him peso pero ako gi change ang topic dayon kay basig ga too ni syag gold digger ko chaaar advance mag isip. Haha bitaw di ko ganahan mag topic when it comes to money na . Di pareha anang uban ay mka advice mo ana dayon sige day kana day madato ka ana. Kanang tigulang na afam day. Be realistic kanang kwartaan na afam day. Hoyshhhh dili ni mapalit ug kwarta akung gugma mga te. Mka kwarta ug ma adunahan ko kung maningkamot kos akung kaogalingon. Bleee pikat bahala mo bashers. Haha Pero lami bitaw pud makadawat ug money nga wala ra kay effort sa life no? Instant dayon ang asenso ba. Nyahahaha pero mas lami jud tong successful kas life kay you work for it. You nailed it. Dugot pawis, paghihirap at pighati ay charoooot layo na tag na abtan. Balik tas agi bi. 

Me: how about you, tell me more about you.

Him: ohhh thanks for asking, I appreciate that. Im single dad of two daughters , one is biological . I and my partner split because she cheat on me. I tried to work our relationship but sadly it didn’t work. 

Me: Do you still love her? ( oh pina boy abunda jud dayon ug pangutana ba , diretsoon jud ta ni )

Him: No! I mean after what she’d done to me, the love is lost. ( oy heartbroken diay pud nis sir oy haha )

Me: When was your last relationship? ( chismisa jud oy, haha atong halungkayon ang life ani para at least legal ang friendship ba ) 

Him: i have one year relationship a year ago but it didn’t work again. I prefer hook up than investing or emotionally attached to someone and will re do the pain again. ( hala , grabig impact nya sa iyang unsuccesfull lovelife oy . E prefer naman ang hook up hook up. Ka feel kog disappointment ana iyang term. I dont like the idea though. Chaaaar pikat mka bright man diay ning mag sige tag chat ug afam oy. Mka pamunit man sad tag ahat ug english. 

Me: Are you still open for love? 

Him: Yes i do believe in love, just that im not open for it rn. I have to enjoy every moment of my life.

Me : ohh okay ( libog kog unsaon pag deliver sa akung response so i ended saying okay nalang ma dehydrate nya kog sig huna2x ug English ani hahahaha ) 

Him: How about you? You still see yourself falling inlove to another guy? 

Me: Uhhhhm yeah, maybe in the future. 

Him: Yeah who knows? 

So yeah , our convo still continues. Hinay hinay naming nagka close. We still talk tru chat bisag every other day na mi mka response kay tungod sa among time interval. We exchanged updates. One month , two months, three months sige lang japon mig chat . If i ask pictures he will send me pictures while he’s driving mka daliktat gyud ug selfie. Chaar importante ka gurl? Haha. But we never done video call pa jud kay dili lagi mag ka abot amung time. Mag change shifts man sad sya usahay . So gang chat ra jud taman guys. And to level up. I ask him to send.....voice record oy. Abi ninyog katong n***s no? Abtik jud mog ingana na part sa topic ba. Piste, five times gyud nakung replay kay ka slang ba oy. Hapit ko di kasabot minatay mag nganga jud siguro ko ug naa joy mata mag pitok2x kung mag video call mi ani. 

Ey thee haw ya do’n hopia ya gid . 

Unsa daw? Kamo nka sabot mo? Balik balika daw bi. Paspasa balig ka tulo unya e slow mo ug kaduha. Hahahahaha . Kumustang dila nato dra? Bitaw , pero grabi mka siga man sad ug mata iyang tingog oy. Lami kay paminawon kay masculine kayg voice. 

Him: i dont know if you heard it clear, didnt check coz its awkward to listen my recorded voice 😄. 

Me: Actually i replay it five times coz your accent is so slang lol. But you have a nice voice though. 

Him: Do the same . Wanna hear your voice too. 

Hi? Yeah, youre right it’s awkward to record a voice message. Hahaha ( mao na akong gi record guys , pina slang sad gamay arun di ta maowawan sa atong pronounciation 😂 )

Part of my everyday routine na ang mag expect ug message gikan nya. Kay usahay mka tulog man kog hinulat nya ig ka gabie. I slowly forgot my longing feelings to OGL . Nka adopt nakug hinay2x sa akong ka lonely. Ug i feel like im back to normal again . 

We shared a lot of things and he even suggests things na buhaton naku if ever mo ana ko na i feel bored. Still gina motivate ko nya to stay positive ra ghapon sa life . Actually i feel like im stucked na jud sa bohol. I attempt four times of travel pro ma abtan jud kos mga bag ong EO sa bohol or cebu maong wala ko ka byahe pa jud . Nka install kog spotify ahat kay addict mani sya sa mga songs ni drake. Duhh? Bisag dili nku like ang mga songs gapaminaw lang gyud ko para lang mka relate sa iyang interest. Hahaha kinsay nka relate naku dra? Taas noo bi haha. Unya karun kay na appreciate na jud nku ang uban songs ni drake . Eyyy niggas, sippin , ya unsa gani to? Hahahaha bitaw IMY2 akung like sa new albums ni drake run. One time gisakitan ug ngipon si pokemon kay mao pag tubo sa iyang wisdom tooth . 

Me: did you take pain reliever already?

Him: No i didn’t take any

Me: how you handle the pain 

Him: have to overcome it

Me: how i wish im near, i can drop by to your house and spend my whole day to serve everything you need. ( Shhhhh wa ko nag flirt ha, concerned ra jud ko. Hahahaha shebe oy dang tanan na gud haha )

Him: Just whole day? 

Me: ohh? You like lifetime? ( ohhh another hirit besh ) 

Him: Haha lol . I wonder how will you serve me ( hala oy, basig nilupad na ang imagination aning pokemon oy , help! )

Me: Cook and serve your meals, clean your house and give you a massage ☺️ 

Him: you might be my favorite snack ( hoy, enebeyen, ga travel na diay ged iyang imagination . Himoon man diay tang snack . Ka lami sad sa mokaon naku oy. Lami jud noon pangayoan ug genes nis pokemon oy. Haha ) 

Me: oh no! I regret about my offer. Can i run? 

Him: Run? 

Me: how much you miss it? 

Him: how much i miss what? ( Enebeyen ka loading ba ni pokemon, una2x ug hisgot anang snack2x nya maang maangan dayon . Amp! 😆) 

Me: Making love ( hoyshhhhhhh!! Bashtosh haha ) 

Him: I dont call it making love . S** can be done even if you dont love the person . ( Mka disappoint kay syag response no? But niways sakto man sad sya. )

Lingaw na ayo ko sig chatanay aning pokemon. But naa juy times na mag overthink gyapon ko ug gina rewind gyapon nku akung past life . Samot na tong pag mothers day na wala juy ga great naku . Naka hinumdom ko na before mka dawat kog cake and flower gkan ni OGL with a long sweet message and a treat of fastfood date. But things are diffirent since he’s gone. Wala nay mo great and mo hatag ug speacial surprise . But on that special day,didnt expect pokemon will send me a mothers day greating . Just a simple great and i really did appreciate it . It means a lot to me. He helps a lot para ma divert ug ma motivate ko sa akung life. I dont have friends before na pwede ko mka open up or share sa akung real feelings. Kay all of them are just for the show ra nga were friends in short, gang sa salitang friends lang. Until pokemon came, he was my diary . He cheered me up . He was my good confidante. And slowly by slowly i feel like mangita nakug attention nya. Naa man juy times na it takes one or two , three days na dili sya mka response sa akua kay busy daw sya. 

Him: hey, sorry for the late reaponse, was so busy at work. Im working two shifts since last week. Have to train newbies. 

Me: its okay, im uderstanding person 😄. No worries ( adah pero murag gimingaw jud ko bitaw , dli lang sa gud ta pahalata. )

Him: You dang so cute. How are you bdw? 

Me: M good . I missed you ( Hoysshhhh kinaya ko rin sabihin )

Him: i missed you too 😉

Itak tak mo. Itak tak mo. Pak ganeern. Pishti ka gilok sa i missed you too oy. Lipay kay si dora, wheres my heart , wheres my heart? Aw hahahaha . Ag ngisi nku lami kaayo ibandeera bitaw pero pugngan nalang kay ma alaan nya kog nabuang ani. Haha 

One time, sa hinulat nakug mag online sya. Nakatulog ko. But pagka buntag i recieved messages 

Him: have to go on parlor later for my hair cut, what do you think, have to trim it? 

Him: My hair cut is done

Video call missed

Him: im sorry , i just want to show you my new hair cut. 

Perting sigaha sa akung mata. Kay ga call diay sya naku an hour ago, ug shocked ko kay on na akung wifi daan kay diay to nki gamit akong igsoon. Basig gi reject to sa akong sister ang call ba maong ga sorry sya. Ga response ko nya nga excited ko mka kita nya. But it takes a week nga wala nya ma seen ug wala sya ga online. Bothered na kayo ko. Basig nalain or naunsa to iya pag too ba. Hala aksyon na jud kog kabalaka ey. Pero send kunohay ko ato akung pose gikan ligo dagat nga nka two piece oy. Pero naolaw man ko ako ra sad gi unsend. Hahaha ka wayok jud oy. Pati ako libog na ko ug unsa na ni akong mga lihok. Am I flirting? I know dili pa sya open for relationship kay ana baya sya nga dili sa ganahan ma emotionally attached sa usa ka tawo. He is saving his self to fall into love while im slowly investing myself getting emotionally attached to him. I take risk! Kay gurls ganern tayo ka rupok haha . But he give me hopes though. He treated me like im so speacial. Or i am just assuming? Everything is still unsure. After another week nag response na sya.

Him: Hi, was stucked in my work . Was so busy. 

Me: I understand. I know you have to rest after work. ( pero hapit nku mang lood baya )

Him: Didnt see the picture you send

Me: I delete it

Him: why to delete though?

Me: coz you might think im flirting lol ( pa dungog2x kunohay hahaha . )

Him: i think you were flirting all this time ? 

Me: no! Why you’re thinking like that though? ( Denial award belongs to dora. Koronahan na yan hahaha ) 

Him: Coz im doing the same thing .

Whaaaaat? Wa ko kasabot. Wa ko kasabot sa akung gibati . Ga deny ko nga wla ko ga flirt sa iya kay lagi its my defense mechanism para dli ko ka recieve ug rejection or dli pud tantong olaw mo confess no? Pero wa pud ko kasagang sa iyang response which galibog noon kog samot. Supposed to be dapat ma happy ko pero murag dili man lagi ? Mura man gud ug naa juy dili sakto. He was flirting for what? Hook up? Red flag na ta daan ana nga word baya pero? Is he really flirting coz he have the same feels or what? . Wala ko nka response ug tarong gyud kay i dont know whats next to say. So after ana nga convo wala na sya gaparamdam hapit two weeks sad . Nag story sya sa IG ug thanks for the love kay bali gi post nya ag numbers sa iyang followers. Chaaaar shana-ol daghan ug followers. Shana-ol murag peymows. Haha . So wala ko kapugong gi replayan dayon naku iyang story ug “ how you do that? “ 

Him: Just engaging to people with same interest. 

Me: You follow to follow? ( sa insta man gud you have to use hashtags para maka engage kag followers or ga follow to follow ka para modaghan imong followers. Pero ako adto jud kos first option. Di man pud ko ga matter sa number of followers. )

Him: Sometimes but i just follow if i like thier interests.

Me: But you have only few following, so choosy huh? 

Him: Well , if i dont like, i dont follow. 

Me: I was so lucky then, coz you followed me first. ( aysus! Ga assume haha )

Him: Yeah the best followed. ( pa fall ka pokemon yawacca hahaha )

Me: coz im the top fan here? ( top kay updated kayo. Sig heart sa mga posts . Pero dli ra pud na akung galawan ha. Utro pud ni sya ay sig heart heart. Pati akong heart dre hapit na mawala . Wa ko ka gets ug asa ko ani mokapa kay wa ko kasabot ug unsa juy feelings ani nya. Flirting ra ba jud kay i like him or i want him or i need an attention from someone because i am lonely? Dora dora wheres my heart wheres my heart? Hahaha ) 

Him: Youre special ( Another hope nga mka assume kog naa pud syay feelings like mine . Yawacca pokemon taman ra jud sa buwak2x nga storya ay. Diretsoa sad bi . Para mahalona atong hearts hahah ) 

Me: awee thats sweet. I appreciate that ( pero wala na ma seen kay offline na. Awa ra paasa jud. Kita pud dre ga assume na. Lami na bya e kisi2x unya mura mag ishaaaa prank.Pishti oy ) Aww ako after pila ka days ga reply man sya pero dli reaponse sa akung last message. Aww ako rang gi seen zone oy duhhhh? May ning ato pud e ignore panagsa oy. Abi palang importante sya. Shebe oy. Shumangil lang gud haha . After four days of ignoring. 

Him: Hellooooo ( pugsa pa ko, moreply lagi ko . Hoyshhhhh ka igat jud oy. )

Me : Pokemon? 

Him: yes

Me : Do you love me? ( atong e try ning lyric prank nga trending sa tiktok bi . Lets see how he handle this . Amp! 🥰Pero ga expect jud kog mka ahat nig yes run ba . Assuming again haha)

Him: What kind of love are you referring to? (Yawacca pokemon, naa diay types of love? Unsa ni enumeration exam? ) 

Me : are you riding (panindigan parin ang prank)

Him: Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me 

Me: Whaaaaat? How did you know that? 

Him: Idk , just i do listen to a lot of song 

(Prank fail. Yawaacca pokemon paasa ka hahaha maona ay sig assume gurl. Kamo lagi ay sig assume kay igo ra jud tawon ta pakiligon ani nila ay. Abi kog pinoy ray ingana apil diay pud ning mga afam paasa. Nag ngitngit nag samot akung kigol 🤣. ) 

Me: No way. Hahaha youre really addict to drakes song. Its supposed to be a lyric prank. I saw this trend on tiktok . 

Him: Idk, if i would understand in other song. 

Me: thought you will be confuse

Him: at first , i was confused

Wa nay lami oy. Ako nalang gi seenzone. Deym! Palpak gid eng plano hahaha . I feel sad nga murag cold na sya sa amung mga chat. Wa nay lami . Dili nku kiligon, mas na bothered noon ko kay mura mag nawala kalit ang spark. Pero if mo try sad kog di mag update nya kay mo chat sad noon naku. Moingon dayon 

Him: hey, didnt heard about you lately”

Me: i prefer to talk to you when i catch you online.

Him: okay, here i am , trying to be attentive for you . 

Libog kaayo gid na sya ay. Ug di pansinon mo chat noon unya ug pansinon grabi parusahan man sad ta ug hinulat sa reply nga tig 2 to 3 days ang gap . Unsa man juy atoa ani. Basig naa na ni ka hook up. Pilde nas dora. Bitaw galibog sad kos akung self kay i know i dont want to commit another relationship pa kay im still in my healing process and still building myself back ug usa pud i have delayed plans pa akung dapat e consider na e prioritize nakug hunahunaon para sa future sa akung anak. Im not financially stable and i need to work for it , build a good career paras among future . Pero this man, he was like my battery . I feel more alive when i got his attention. I forgot that my heart was once dead. I have this excitement feeling everytime i recieved a message from him. Im normal again, kiligon naku,ma disappoint nku if dli ko kadawat ug updates gikan nya. Tawo na jud ko abi kog forever na jud ning ma numb akong heart . Abi kog dili naku ma fall pas lain kay im confident my whole heart belongs to OGL forever. But this feeling na akong na feel for pokemon was all unexpected and unsure, kay at first pampa lipas oras lang jud nku ang pakig tubay niya and its online dating and we are miles away from each other. Na feel ra ba kha ni naku kay tungod kay im longing for existing cares and love from OGL? Na feel ra ba ni naku kay i want another soul of OGL living in other human body? Yes pokemon and OGL has the similar atittude and the flow of our friendship was all similar to how i and OGL build our relationship. I have doubts also if unsa puy real status namu for him. I know he is saving his self to fall into love . He was once broken hearted. But lahi sad ang iyang recieve gud sa iyang breakups. He put bounderies and shield his heart . So to stop my guts nga feeling naku ako ray ga assume . I decided to confess . 

September 27,2021

Ga duwa2x jud akong huna huna unsaon pag confess. Kanang dili pud tantong maolaw ta ba . Hahaha grabig guts oy. Ako nlang guy mangutana sa closure ani kay dili baya ta pareho ug culture sa mga afam. Basig lahi diay akung receive sa iyang mga chats unya normal ra diay to sa iyaha no meaning ba. Haha nasobraan ra guro ni akung expectation kay lagi lahi syas ubang afam nga dili bastos, gina respeto gyud ko nya ug we never talked naughty things, nya gwapo ug batan ong afam pa jud, aww dali kayo na fall si dora. Fall nman jud siguro ni ba. 

September 28,2021

Pag mata naku , akung gi check if nay message from him but wala gihapon since sunday wala pa. So final na jud ni ako plan. Last message namu kay ga update syag na positive iyang cousin and nagka kuyog silas birthday party . Pero negative man daw sya sa test. Ug last chat nya kay stucked syas trabaho . Ni message nalang ko . 

Me: Hi? Uhhhm I guess this is my last message . But before leaving insta, i like to say im glad that we became friends. And i like you, like every time i open my ig im expecting a message from you . I feel like im slowly getting emotionally attached to you. And i know at first that this is not right. And I decided to save myself from fall’n into something . so yeah I have to uninstall my ig and take a break.Keep safe! 

So after ana . Since wala man koy friend na mka heart to heart talk , mao ng nka decide jud kog confess dre. At least nay mobasa ba ug mka pahungaw kos akung feels run hahahaha . After nkug backread sa amung ubang convo, finally ge uninstall na jud nku ang instagram. Bahala na ug dili to nku mbasahan iyang response. Kung Positive or negative man gali to iya response panindigan jud ni nakung mag soci media break sa ko. Basig next month, december or next year nku balik sa instagram kanang makaingon na jud kog . Yey im back on track. 

So today september 29, 2021 . I will end up this confession by saying . Thank you for your time reading my confession na wala moy makat onan hahah. Sorry guys , taas kayo ni nya m not sure worth it ba basahon. But i really do appreciate your effort sa pag basa ha. Basin mka update ko puhon puhon kung unsa juy closure namu ni afam but not now. Bahala to sya ug unsay response nya ato oy. Magpla glow up sa ko. Bleee 🤪bye guys wavyu .

Love,

Dora