You ended up just like everyone else Part 2

"You ended up just like everyone else" Part 2

(SPG)

Hey it is me Suzuka.

Before anything else, If you're reading this, please stop. Find the first part of this story first. 

I can't focus that time. My mind was still processing of what ken had send me. I read it even a few times and even punched myself to test if I was in reality that time.

My nightmare is now hunting me. That was what I thought to myself.

"Dili tika undangan hantud di ka mubalik sa akoa. Basin gusto ka ikalat nako tong scandal nato duha? Sorry but I want you mine again!" Ken message.

Whose fault is it anyway? It was all me. The slutest girl of all time. The most stupid person of all time. Yes, I have a scandal but I am also confessing, that I did not want it. I did not have any idea that my fcking ex boyfriend were filming us.

I am so tired. That night after I read kf what ken send to me, I tried to commit suicide. Yes, naglaslas ko and again I failed. I failed as a daughter. A friend. A student and pati ba naman sa suicide? But one thing I have learned while commiting it, tanang sakit kay pwede makapag pamanhid sa imo. I did not feel anything. It's like the heaven and earth is on my shoulders but I felt empty that time.

After doing it, I spent hours thinking 'what to do'. I was pacing back and forth until my mom saw me. At first she greeted me with a hug and when she saw what happened to my wrist she got an horrendous face. I just said to her "Wala ni ma, okay rako. Naigo man gud ni sa dako nga metal gahapon" corny reason pero nituo lang sad akong mom with an answer "pag take care intawn anak".

It was morning, quarter to 5 am? When I woke up and prepare for school. I can still remember while drinking coffee , kung unsa tong mga words nga akong ipang ingon sa imo. It was like, gahimo nako ug script sakong mind. 

8 am when I got to school. I saw you talking with your mates in basketball. Without any second thought, I decided to break the ice. I called your name and I got all of your attention.

I mouthed you "come here" with my hand gesture and you ran away to me. You hugged me so tight and kiss my forehead and boom I broke down. I cried like a baby. 

"Sorry langga" i said while crying

"Shhhh it's okay langga. Ako ang mas dapat mag sorry. Nagpa huway rako langga pero walay adlaw di tika mahunaan" 

and in one snap, everything fades. My problem faded. Nawala tanang burden sakong heart.

Aside my mom, ikaw lang tong naay magic nga makapawala sa akoang sakit. You got the magic with your love nga mumend sakong heart and I just love you so much.

"I love you langga" i said

"I love you more" you answered while gently brushing my hair.

We planned to go to our favorite food spot. I swear I was so happy that time. We exchanged jokes together and I love to admit it because I was loving you more and more. I can imagine you to be the father of our three kids. You have achieved your dream to be an engineer while I am a lawyer. We have built a happy family together full of love. 

I hate it, but I decided to break our laughter. I confessed to you regarding of what ken said to me.

You were furious at him that time. I can see in your face how you were so eager to go to him and punch him on the face again. I held your hand so gently and tried to tame you. I did not fail. 

That night while we were walking, you broke our akward silence and said "mas better langga kung i abot na nato ni sa police. It is obvious nga harrassment ug threat na iyang ginabubat sa imoha" 

It was still scenic, how I begged to you. I answered you "ayaw lang langga please. Di ko gusto mudako pa ni langga. Basin makabalo sad atong school about ani" 

Yes, I was selfish somehow that time. In a sense nga di ko gusto maguba akong name the fact what you said to me was the best solution to end the problem. 

One day, when I was walking alone to the canteen, someone texted me - an unknown number .

"Hi *insert my name* si ken ni. kung gusto nimo ma solbad tanan atung problema, let's talk personally. Ayaw na ipahibalo sa imong uyab para walay gubot"

My heart was racing that time and my blood was boiling. I swear, I imagined that time of stabbing him many times. He is the most jerk and douchebag person I have ever met. How could he even do that to me? Tao pa ba siya? 

Halos, pila ka hours ko nag huna-huna kung i text back ba nako si ken but I replied to him anyway.

"Sige. When ug what time" you texted me the place and the time. We were supposed to me in Friday. I arrived to our meeting at around 6:40 pm. I was late for 10 minutes.

I must confess, after I finished my practice, gihatod ko ni langga pauli sa balay without knowing nga naa pa diay koy agenda nga buhaton. Forgive me, kay again nag keep na sad ko ug secret because that time, I want to fight ken alone and erase everything about him. I can still remember, how you kissed my lips so passionately infront of our house and left me with those words 'I love you'. I was so lucky. You still accepted me, my flaws and everything.

After my langga left, I hurridly went to the terminal kay medyo layo man ang meeting place. I did not even bothered to change my outfit that time.

" Nianha jud ka *insert my name* I miss you so much" naa pa unta koy plano na iwakli siya pero gi set free dayon ko sa hug niya.

I did not entertain him regarding to what he said instead I planted a smirk on my face.

"You know what ken? I pity you. You were named as the most outstanding student in our past school because of your talent in playing basketball pero imong batasan lupig pa sa yawa" i said to him directly

He did not answer of course , natameme siguro.

"Pwede mukaon sata, promise last nani" you just said instead

The universe is my witness that time on how I wanted to leave ken. Everytime makita nako iyang dagway, maluoran jud ko. I cannot standby with him. Pero deep inside of me I also wanted closure. I wanted to forgive ken fully because I don't plant hate at people. That is not who I am. I always see the goodness in every people. Even I wanted to refuse ken's offer but I accepted it, to end it all for once and be with my langga happily forever.

We went to an unfamiliar resto. You ordered for me. While eating, You talked a lot and I wanted you to shut up because I was not interested of any of your story.

To entertain myself, I kept myself thinking of my langga. Our future together. Our 10 years after with our children. I kept smiling the whole time then suddenly ken held my hand and I shoved away. The heck was that for? I stand up from our table and decided to leave when you stopped me for a second and planted a smile on your face. A smile which was really creepy and then you set me free and I went home.

The next day, I went to school, like a common day for me. Wala nako nag bother nga mag huna2 about what happened last night. 

I was excited to go to school because finally I am gonna see my langga again. I am gonna go and witness his handsome face again that will surely brighten up my day. I spotted you at the gate which was very unsual because normally we meet either at my room or yours. You saw me but it was odd. Your eyes, it was cold. I cannot determine your expression that time. I finally came to you and gave my kiss on your cheeks. You did not react instead you walked away. I followed you until we ended up in the garden. You sat down there for a minute. None of us, talked. It was just all the birds chirp that time while me standing watching your back.

I took an inhale and exhale for a second and sit beside you.

"Unsa may problema langga?" I asked you

"Ikaw unsay problema nimo?" You said to me directly na murag wala lang

"Ngano man langga?" I asked you. I swear, I was on the verge of breaking down that time but I tried my very best to compose myself because I was very tired of crying infront of you. I don't want to be weak anymore.

"Unsa mani oh!" You opened up your bag and showed to me the pictures that would destroy us.

"Please let me explain" I was crying and you were too. The pictures shows me and ken in resto. To be specific when he held my hand. There is also a picture of me while ken hugged me.

And then that time I realized the he set me up. He planned everything to destroy our relationship. To set us apart.

"I don't need your explanation. Gihatud pa tika remember diba? Gi kissan pa tika ug abi nakog naa naka sulod sa inyong balay natulog pero nanguwag pa diay ka !!" and then i slapped you so hard

"Langga, wala ko nanguwag and I cannot do that to you. I cannot do that to a man who accepted me and loved me. I cannot to that to a man that I loved the most" I kneeled down infront of you while crying. 

"So, ngano mani nimo gibuhat? "

"Gibuhat ko lang na langga, tungod kay, gusto nako ma end na tanan. I did not know nga set up ra diay tanan" i answered him, medyo paos na akong boses that time.

"Whatever you say *insert my name*. You hurt me. Let's stop this. I can't love you anymore" and then for the second time around langga you left me crying again but that time was different because I knew to myself nga wala nakoy balikan.

I managed myself to stand up and wept my tears. Without any second thought, niadto ko sa police and confessed everything about sa scandal. 

Yes, that journey was a tough one. Because naabot pa gyud sakong school and I admit, pila ko ka days gipag chismisan sa mga students pero I managed not to be affected by their judgements. Perhaps, I am used to it? Or maybe because I have realized nga no matter what, you will be always judged but it wont define you as who you are as a human. As long as you know to yourself you did not step down on anybody, then you are on the right track. The problem has solved. I decided, not to put ken into prison. Instead his parents decided to put him to another place. I don't know where but I know malayo.

I must say, within that journey, I fought alone. Wala nami ni langga that time. Although magka kitaay pa mi sa school pero di mi naga pansinanay. Like nothing happened between us. All of our promises we made for each other kay nawala lang.

To be honest that time, daghan pakog questions sakong mind, if do you still love me, or do you still have any feelings for me? Just so you know, I did not take time to bother you because I'm done of chasing. It's time to chase my own happiness without you.

It's been couple of years since that happened but I can still remember all of that because every moments that is happening in my life, I write it on my journal. Yes, reader, graduated nami duha.

Recently, I got news from an old friend nga engaged na diay ka and this lucky girl is 4 months pregnant.

To tell you the truth. It is still painful. I still can't move on. It's been always him, you my langga. But don't get me wrong! I am happy for you!! I am happy because you are slowly achieving your dream of building a happy family with someone.

To the man the i've loved before and until now, I want to say, you're the most precious thing that has ever happened to me. Always remember, i always be here for you. Even though we are not together but I am still rooting for you. Rooting for your happiness in life. Congratulations to you and to your soon to be wife.

I love you always.

Suzuka

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