Inlove with a seminarian

"Inlove with a seminarian"

I’m in love right now. We fell in love with each other despite our difficult situation. I met him at a typical time of year: the first day of classes. You see, I was his student. Back then he was 24 years old and I was 17. Seminarian ni siya nga ni gawas sa seminary for 1 year to take a break and decided to be a teacher for the mean time. He’s really good-looking, taas og ilong, nindot og smile, killer eyes. Mo samot iyang ka-gwapo kay buotan kaayo, generous, helpful, considerate, hard-working…

I didn’t know how it happened so fast but we got close. Siguro it was because of the activities we got involved in school kay he used to help me with the editing of my articles for the school paper and other subject-related activities. Nahatod na ko niya sa among balay. First time to nga naay mo hatod nako nga lalake kay strict kaayo akong family especially akong papa. It happened not only once but for 8 or 9 times more. But it was August, and it was too early to expect anything else.

Sa mga times nga magkakuyog mi pirmi, I slowly began to get to know him for who he really is. Magkakuyog mig simba pirmi. Kung mag tan-aw ko niya sa side-view, mura jud syag angel nga naa sa akong tapad. Buotan kaayo iyang nawng. Ig gunit niya sa akong kamot ig “Our Father”, murag mo slow-mo akong kalibutan! Grabe hahaha nya cute kaayo siya kung magkaon! Cute kaayo siya kung mag concentrate siya sa iyang mga paperworks, nya serious kaayo iyang nawng hahaha! And mo samot iyang ka-gwapo kung mag gitara or mag piano!!!! hahaha yes, he plays the guitar, the piano and the drums!!! Iyaha sad gani ko i-serenade hahaha

December na and we got even more comfortable with each other. Di man sad gud siya boring ka-kuyog. Kung magkuyog mi, mura ra mig ka-edad kay di man siya killjoy. More importantly, I can be myself around him. But the more we got close, the more I worried.

 

One night, gikan mi ato sa ayala kay namalit og gift para sa Christmas party. Pag uli nako sa balay after ko niya gihatod, nag text2 pa mi ato pero likoy kaayo ko kay lahi akong gi-reply niya.. “Hapit na ko ma-fall sir. Palayo nalang sa daan ha mintras sayo pa.” Bugo kaayo ko. Ni dritso kog ingon ato niya. Pagkaugma ana, Christmas party na. Uwaw kaayo. Wala gud ko ni tagad niya. Nagkasugat pajud mi sa hallway! Gi tawag ko niya pero gi ignore ra nako. Ni sulod rako dayon sa room. Wala to na-settle kay Christmas break naman after sa party.

 

Nahibong ko kay ni text sya nako pag December 22. Magtabi daw mi so ni adto sya sa amoa pag 6am pajud! Haha sayo kaayo. Didto ra mi nagtabi sa kilid sa karsada kay mahadlok man ko sa akong parents baya kay protective kaayo nako. Mao to. We discussed the issue. Surprisingly, ni confess siya!!! Ingon sya nga naka-feel sad daw siya og something! Pwerti nakong kulbaa ato! Pero iya man gibawi. Gi sumpayan dayn niya og, “pero sauna ra nuon to.” I asked why then ingon sya, “Kay kuya raman ko nimo nya manghod rasad tika.” Sakita lagi ato. But he gave me an assurance nga naa ra daw siya kung magkina-unsa ko. Then ingon sya nga “New year, new life” daw and ni agree rasad ko huhu. So I thought, mawala najud officially among friendship. Pwerti nakong hilak after ato kay abi nakog mao najud toy end sa tanan.

 

Fortunately, I was wrong. Nagka-chat2 mig balik pag resume na sa classes. Ingon sya nga special daw ko niya. Wala pa daw sya kakita og girl nga parihas nako sauna. After daw sa school year, pwede na mi maglaag2 bisan asa. Mas gi kilig ko pag ingon niya nga, “Ikay usa sa mga reasons nga sakto pa ni akong gi agi-an.” Wala ko kasabot sa akong na-feel atong tyma. Ganahan ko mo hilak. Kay kabalo ko nga ma-attach jud kog maayo and I know it would be the worst mistake I’d ever do.

My head was slowly drowning with negative thoughts. Pero wala mi magpadala sa issues. We continued to be close friends even though the world was against us. Nagkuyog mi pag field trip namo. It was the first time he said the words, “I love you.” Kato pajud tong time nga naglinya mi sa counter sa H&M. Ni kalit syag whisper nako! Diyos Mio! hapit ko makuyapi ato hahaha

 

Fast-forward. FINALLY! The school year was over. April na to when he officially asked me out on a date!!! We went to the enchanted church in Simala. Again, it was my first time on a real date kay sauna, tago2 raman akong mga relationships and binata ra pulos. But when I was with him, he made me feel mature but still so much younger at the same time. He was a real gentleman. After that, we went to eat a casual barbeque dinner dapit sa dagat. 

Atong tyma, murag naay secret camera nga nag video namo kay it felt as if we were in a romantic movie. Hayag kaayo ang buwan ato and the air was chilly. We were simply talking about random things. Comfortable kaayo ko niya pero gi maintain gihapon nako akong distance kay dili ko ganahan ma-misunderstand niya. By the time nga manguli na unta mi, ingon sya, “Hug sa ko bi.” And I wrapped my arms around him. Ana nga time, I felt my world completely frozen. Murag kami ra tong duha ang nagbarog didtong dapita. We didn’t care about the other teenagers/people nga possibly nagtan-aw namo nga nag gakos didto.

Ingon sya nga after 5 years daw magkita mi, same place, same date. It was Saturday, April 8; the most unforgettable day. Happy kaayo ko atong tyma. I felt very special. Wala ko mag expect nga naa diay maabot nga lalake sa akong life nga magpa-feel nako og so much care, so much love.

On my 18th birthday, ni adto sya sa among balay. It was the first time I brought a special guy at home. I introduced him to my family. Milagro pajud kaayo to kay okay ra kaayo to sila mama og papa. They loved him too. I felt really special bisan wala mi mag hikay og bongga kaayo pag birthday nako.

Then, ni ask siyag permission sa akong parents and he invited me to watch a movie with him didto sa cinema as his birthday treat for me. Nangadto mi sa SM seaside. Lingaw kaayo ko ato. Wala ko kahibaw kung unsaon nako pag express ang akong pag thank you niya. Words would be an understatement. He made me very happy. While nag stroll2 mi didto sa mall, we held hands. Kilig kaayo ko ato. Mura na mig uyab pero dili diay.

Pag uli na namo, we rode on the bus. Didto na ko nakahilak pag ayo. I was so happy.. gusto ko mag thank you niya pero dili enough ang words para ma-express akong total gratitude niya maong nakahilak nalang nuon ko. I shed tears of joy.. iyang gi trapuhan akong mga luha. Ingon ko niya nga, “I’m gonna miss this.. the way we are now.” I was still crying. “Kung ma-pari naka, di naman ta pwede magka in-ani.” 

He explained to me nga lisod daw iyang situation. Mahadlok sya mo commit kay ma-konsensya daw siya. Ingon sya nga “TAKEN” naman gud daw siya ni Lord.. although wala pa sya mapari, mura man syag ma-guilty daw. In-ana sya ka-buotan. When he said that, murag naay ni tusok sa akong dughan. Dili ko ganahan maka-feel ani.. kana ganing I want him for myself. Dili ko ganahan kay selfish ra kaayo ko ana.

Then he kissed me. It was the sweetest one I’ve ever shared with anyone before. Mura na kog naa sa langit ato because I was never expecting anything like it would ever happen to us. Naka-imagine ko while we were sharing the kiss about how blessed I am to have met him in my life. It was the first and probably, mao na toy last. 

People are expecting so much from him. Kay lagi daghan kaayo syag nindot nga achievements. Summa Cum Laude graduate siya sa usa ka prestigious international school. That’s why his family, even bishops, priests and nuns suggested nga angayan jud siya ma-pari kay nagkinahanglan jud kuno ang simbahan og mga pari-onon nga parihas niya og personality. Ako nalang ang maluoy niya kay usahay mo share sya nako nga mura daw syag gi limit sa mga expectations sa mga taw. And he’s bound to satisfy them...

Sige kog ingon niya nga okay rako if mawala na siya. Sige kog pretend nga ma-okay ra ang tanan, nga kaya ra nako. But the truth is, I can’t. Love na kaayo nako siya. Now he’s trying to maintain our closeness but he tries to keep the distance as well. Khbaw ko, kay mahadlok siya nga masakitan ko kay mabiyaan ko niya.

I don’t want him to choose. Wala jud sya nako gi push kay dili ko ganahan nga maglibog siya. Honestly, gusto ko nga ako iyang pili-on but I can’t ask for something that much. Dili nako kaya nga mangayo ana sa Ginoo kay ma-konsenysa ko and ma-guity. I can’t fight against God. I can’t fight against destiny.

But he loves me. I know that. He made me feel that love. Pero I think dapat kutob rajud mi sa best friends and I should only be his little sister.

Nagkatabi mi one time over the phone. Gi chikahan ko niya about sa ilang gibuhat nga activity sa seminary. Ingon sya nga naapil daw ko didto. He narrated how we met.. pero ang last lines ang pinakasakit. Ingon sya didto nga, “Now, we continue to be friends. It’s not that I don’t love her. It’s just that I love Jesus more.”

Murag ni stop og beat akong heart paghuman niyag sulti ato. Naglisod jud kog ginhawa but I tried to stay calm. After na sa tawag, I cried the whole night. Wala jud ko nakatulog. Natubag na akong mga pangutana. Kahibaw na ko sa among ending.

It’s okay. Sometimes, pili-on nato ang right thing.. not just the thing that can make us happy. The church needs him more than I do. So ako nalang guro ang mo layo because it’s the right thing to do for the sake of everyone.

Visitor

Anonymous