#InLoveWithTheEnemy Part5
"I'm sorry Micheal."
Micheal smiled but it did not reach his eyes. I know he wasn't happy. It was a fine Saturday morning, a day after the prom. Last night he asked me the most difficult question I've encountered in my life, even harder than Trigo and Calculus. It left me speechless. My neurons seemed to malfunction. I did not say a word to him after that. And he did not push me for an answer. Guess he knew I was mind blown. And now, we're at the park.
Me : I don't wanna be the Y axis to your Cartesian Plane.
Micheal looked down. Then he slowly looked up.
Micheal : I'm sorry. I know it's too early to ask you that. I just couldn't help myself. But I want -
I interrupted him.
Me: They intersect at one point.
Micheal: Huh?
I looked at him.
Me : The X and Y axis. They intersect only at one point, but after that, they go separate ways. The X and Y axis are Mathematics' version of pinagtagpo pero hindi tinadhana.
Note* The Cartesian Plane , with the X and Y axis, is shaped like a cross. (+)
I looked at his confused face. I wanna laugh so hard but I gotta keep my cool.
Me : I have a question Homo.
Micheal : What?
Me : Do you know the Lemniscate?
Micheal laughed a bit. He looked at me with serious eyes.
Micheal : Lemniscate also known as the infinity symbol. (∞)
Me : The lemniscate, it's lines meet at the center, then they separate but they find their way back to each other, no endpoint, together to infinity. (∞)
We stared at each other. I remembered everything, from the day I first met him to all the moments I hated him. But all the while, he was always there for me. Even when we were still kids. Of all the people in the world, never did I expect that it is in Micheal that I would find a shoulder to lean on, a person who'd appreciate me when I did not see my worth.
Me : I dont wanna be your Y axis. I dont want you to be my X axis. I don't want us to just cross each other's lives then leave.
I lived my life full of pressure, expecations and disappointments. Often times, I just wanted to disappear. But now I realized that all I really wanted was to be found.
Me: Homo, will you be my lemniscate instead?
I saw his confused face turn to that of shock, then to a full mega watt smile.
I beamed at him. He hugged me so tight and for the first time, I hugged him back.
And is his arms, I found myself.
I whispered unto his ears, "Lemniscate?" He hugged me even tighter and whispered back, "Lemniscate."
They said that love is not something you can learn from books, it's something that's already in our instict, in our gut, encoded in our DNAs. Yet here I am. Sitting on the bench, with a book on my hand, "P.S I love you." Err.. I don't normally read love stories. But I, I want to have ideas on how to make things work.
I sighed and closed the book. Boring as hell. I felt sad. I wanna be the perfect girlfriend for Micheal. I feel like I sucked at being one but I'm not giving up. So I opened the book and continued reading.
"Give him gifts that he can use everyday so everytime he uses it he will remember you."
Hmmm something he can use everyday. I've got the perfect idea. So I went to buy a gift.
After buying, I immediately met with Micheal. So we we're sitting at the bench.
Micheal : Where were you? Nalate lage kag abot.
Me : I , ahm. I bought something.
His eyes immediately looked at the paper bag I was holding. And slowly I gave it to him.
Me : Here, this is for you.
Micheal smiled from ear to ear. While I was , tensed. Very tensed. He opened the bag and I closed my eyes.
Michael : A calculator?
Me : A scientific calculator. Happy Valentines Homo!!
Yep. I bought him a calculator. I'm sure he'll use it everyday.
Micheal hugged me. I hugged him back. He said thank you.But then na notice nako nga ang iyahang shoulder is shaking. Is he crying , tears of joy ba ni? I tried to get out of his hug to see his face pero mas gihug pa ko niyag taman. So mas nibitaw pd ko and then I saw his face. It was red from ... from laughing??????
Me : Homooooooooo!!!
Micheal : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I pouted and threw a deadly stare at him.
He hugged me again and I smacked his shoulder.
Me : Why are you laughing Homo?!
Micheal : Stop reading that book Dopamine.
Me : Kibaw lage ka?
Micheal held my hand in his and he touched my face with the other. He smiled at me.
Micheal : Thank you for this. I appreciate it Dopamine, I really do. But I want you to stop reading that book. I don't want you to feel that you have to change or act a certain way to be my girlfriend. Just be you. I love you just the way you are.
My heart swelled with so much happiness. I love this guy. He kissed my forehead and hugged me.
Micheal : Lemniscate? *He whispered.
Me : Lemniscate. *I whispered back.
Everyday with Micheal seemed so magical. Is this how it feels to be inlove? I can't seem to stop thinking of him. Even when I'm at the library, or at home and whatever I'm doing , he's on my mind. Pareha karon, gastudy ko but every now and then I remember him and I can't help but smile....
(Flashbacks 1)
One time, he bought periodic tables for the both of us para gamiton namo sa klase. When he gave it to me, akoa dayung giopen para istudy. But naay mga buslot. Some squares are missing. I looked at the guy in front of me nga gangisi.
Me : What did you do? Nganung imong gicut????? Asa man ang ubang elements ani? Hala uy unsaon man-
Nahunong kog tabi coz he put a piece of paper in front of me.
Slowly akong gikuha nya gitan aw.
The missing elements are there.
( I-Iodine , LU- Lutetium, V-Vanadium, Y-Ytrrium, O-oxygen,U- Uranium )
"I LuV YOU," I read in my head. I felt the heat on my cheeks. Then I slowly looked at Homo. He winked at me and gave me a cheeky smile.
(Flashback 2)
Me : Homo.
I said while feeling the embarassment already.
Micheal : Dopamine ?
Me : Can you, can you please ahm. ....
Micheal : Kiss you?
Me : No! *gihapak*
Me : Plsbuymenaps.
Micheal : Unsa? Wa ko kaklaro.
I sighed.
Me : Please buy me some naps.
Micheal : Naps?
Me : Menstrual Pads Homo. I forgot to bring and I'm having dysmenorrhea . I'm sorry huhu
I looked at him with my best smile.
His eyes widened and I saw his adams apple move. Hahaha
Me : Please ?? (beaming smile) It's gonna bloody stain my uniform Homo.
Micheal : What???? Wait okay okay.
And he ran.
Wait? Does he know what it looks like?
A few moments later.
Me : EQ?? Pampers??? Hahahahahaha
Micheal's ears were red when he came back.
Micheal : Shut up Dopamine. *And he rolled his eyes at me.
Hahaha What? Did he just do that?
Me : Oh there's the napkins. Why did you buy diapers though? hahaha
Micheal : I'm not sure what it looks like so
Me: Thank you Homo.
I kissed his cheeks and ran towards the restroom. When I looked back, he was smiling. Hahaha
I was brought back to the present when I felt lips on my forehead. I raised my head and saw Micheal.
Micheal : Hello Dopamine, why are you smiling?
Me : I just remembered something.
Micheal : Unsa?
Me : Diapers
Micheal looked at me angrily but in a playful way. He moved his arms , I thought he was gonna hug me but instead he tickled me.
Me : Hahahahhaha stop it hahahah Homo hahahaha
Everything seemed perfect. I love him and he loves me. Little did I know.
I went home from a tired and happy day at school. I was shocked to find Papa sitting in our living room. To be honest, I rarely see Papa. I greeted him and kissed his cheeks.
*Dinner time
Papa : Courtney, it's almost your graduation. Musta man imong grado?
Me : It's okay Pa.
Papa : Okay? Unsa mana nga okay? Are you graduating as Valedictorian this time?
I can hardly swallow the food at this moment. I looked at Mama, seemingly asking for help but she looked at me with an expression like that of Papa.
I feel my heart beat fast in a painful way. But I have to be honest.
Me : No Pa. I think I wont graduate as Valedictorian base on my current grades.
Papa stopped eating. I looked at their disappointed face. He said more things to me and I won't share that part nalang. But one thing's for sure, it broke my heart. I went to bed that day, crying, wondering, why I am not enough for my parents, the people I'd give my whole world to. Once again, I felt like that little girl from years ago, who was full of jealousy, of hatred , full of disappointments. I looked at my window and saw the rose plant.
I remembered Micheal. I am not the Valedictorian because that is his title. I looked for the bitterness, the jealousy and hatred inside my heart but it's not there anymore. And I've realized, No, I'm not the same girl from years ago, I have come far. And that's because of Micheal. He has showed me that there's more to life, and the beauty in it. He deserves it, he deserves being Valedictorian, my smart, sweet man. I will always be heartbroken over the fact that my parents will forever be disappointed of me, I will always hurt but knowing that Micheal is gonna be valedictorian and will retain his scholarship, somehow makes me feel better. Im sure Nanay will be very proud of him.
A week after at school..
I was on my way to meet Micheal , but then I saw him.Talking to a girl. Always Mr. Congeniality. I felt a familiar pain on my heart. I understand that his friendly and all but should he really smile at every girl he sees? Why should he always talk with every girl that approaches him? Isn't that reserved for me? I was still sad from my talk with Papa a week ago. And now this, Negative thoughts started to pour over me. Why do I always feel unworthy of the people I love? I stepped back.
Someone : Courtney
I looked at who it was.
Me : Carlo right?
A classmate of ours.
Carlo: Ahh yes that's me. Hello Court. Gisugo ko ni Mrs. ***** , paadtoon ka sa office.
I looked back at Micheal and saw him staring at me, at us. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. Jerk. I rolled my eyes at him, looked at Carlo and said "Let's go."
Teacher : Congratulations Courtney Dear!
Me : May I know what for Ma'am?
Teacher: Hahaha oh of course. You are the class Valedictorian !
I am telling you in advance so you can prepare your speech -
Everything stopped. I felt numb. My eyes begin to blurry.
Teacher : Tears of joy darling? I know , congratulations!
Months ago, this is all I have ever wanted. But everything has changed.
I immediately looked for Micheal after that, found him at our bench.
I was crying while approaching him.
Me : What did you do Micheal???
Micheal : What? Why ? What's wrong baby?? Why are you crying?
Me : I was told that I was the class Valedictorian Micheal. Now tell me, tell me this is not one of your stupid attempts again!!!
Micheal: Shouldn't you be happy Dopamine?
I cried even harder.
Me : Noooo!!! I know you. I know you did this on purpose. WHYYYY?????
Micheal hands were shaking as he reached for me.
Micheal : Shhh shhh I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
He tried to hug me pero akoang iwakli iyang kamot.
Me : What did you do Micheal? Nooo!!! WHAT DID YOU DO??
I saw tears in his eyes. The pain in my heart doubled.
Micheal : Please listen to me first. Please Courtney. Just let me hug you please, please.
So he hugged me. I felt his tears on my shoulder.
Micheal : I'm sorry baby. Yes. I did this on purpose.
My tears fell even harder. Stupid.
Micheal : I was scared that if I become Valedictorian, you're gonna hate me again. And you're gonna leave. I was scared because I know you love your parents, and if you don't become Valedictorian, I dont want you to get hurt.
Me : What do you think of me Micheal? I'm not that girl anymore. You did not trust me. And what about your scholarship huh? What about Nanay Micheal??
I remembered what Nanay told me about Micheal's scholarship. And my heart hurt more thinking of it.
This is all because of me.
Me : You can't choose me over your future Micheal.
Micheal : Please I'm sorry don't leave me Dopamine.
Me : Noo!! This is toxic! You did not even think of what Nanay will feel! I don't want you to do something , I wouldn't have done for you.
Micheals hold of me loosened. He looked at me with sad eyes.
Me : I love you but were still high school students. If I were in your position, I'd never do that for you. I'd never choose you over my studies or my parents. I'd give anything to make my parents proud but not like this.
I saw his tears fell. It's hurts me so much to see him that way but I have to say it, I have to do this.
I turned my back on him.
Gigunitan dayun niya akong kamot but giwakli napd nako.
Micheal : Lemniscate right? To infinity. Please Dopamine, Im sorry.
I closed my eyes. I'm no good for him. I'm only gonna ruin him.
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wala na ni update ? nagka dayun jud kaha ni sila ?
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