I Thought It's Only A Dream

" I thought its only a dream "

Hello UCFB , call me Belle, 29years old. A plain housewife. Married for 7years. I got married when I was 22 and my hubby that time was 23. He's already an engineer then. High school friends diay mi ni Sandro(my husband). Ahead lang sila sa amo ug one year pero di mi close though we were in the same circle of friends raman pud. Sandro then, never crossed my mind na manguyab sa ako, kay di lagi ming close duha. College na mi adtong nanguyab syas ako but I didn't mind him at all kay lagi friends ra mi then di pud ko sure if seryoso jud ba siya and at the same time parehas ming nag skwela pa. We were in different schools. I took a business course and him was engineering. Pero nauna kog graduate sa iya kay nag nursing man sya for a year then nag shift ug engineering. 

After nako ni graduate nag work na ako sa isa ka bank pero si Sandro? Sus! Consistent gihapon sa pag panguyab sa ako. Ako syang giingnan na "sugton ra tika kung ma licensed electrical engineer naka". Ga joke2 ra gud ko adto pero gi seryoso diay niya. Haha. So kadtong nakapasar syas licensure exam niadto nya dayon syas among balay gipangita ko. Tapos nagkatawa ko nag lantaw jod sa iya and at the same time gi kilig ko..ambot walay rason haha. Iya ko gisingil sa akong saad so kay wala man koy choice nagkakami jod. Lipaya jod to niya. Our relationship went well. Maka ingon jud ko nga happy ko kay very caring sya tapos sege ko niya pakataw.on, naughty pa gyod kanang perti ka siaw ug makulit. Super buotan pa jud. Niabot ug one year and a half among panag.uyab when he proposed to me. Wala jod ko nag hesitate nisugot dayon ko. Nagpakasal ming duha, we lived together na kami lang, kay naa man syay na inherit na balay gikan sa iyang papa so didto mi nagpuyo. After months of living together we found out that I was pregnant. I surprised him with the PT stick. When he realized what he saw, he hugged me tight and said "daddy nako, daddy nako!! I love you mahal, I love you" and kissed me. Ana sya kalipay, I even saw his tears fell down. I felt loved jod adto. 

Three months being pregnant, something happened. Na miscarriage ko. Ug wala koy laing gi blame kundi siya. In.ani man gud to sya, I called him kay dugay kaayo sya, naghulat kos working place nako kay iya man ko ginasundo..after work niya, iya ko kuwaon then dungan na mi uli. Pero adto jod na time I felt so unwell gyod. Wa ko kasabot sa akong gibati. I called him many times pero di jod sya mu tubag. Naglagot na jod ko. Nya nanawag ko sa akong brother kay siya nalang magsundo sa ako. So nakauli nako. Pag abot nako wala sya nya nanawag ko sa iya katrabaho kay basig OT sila. Kani jod si Sandro di ni mag OT na di ko mahibaw kay mananghid jod ni siya para di ko maghulat na niya. Since na worry na pod ko adto kay di man sya mutubag tawagan. Akong gitawagan iya katrabaho. Pagtubag sa pikas linya perting banhaa. Sus! Adto diay silas Bar. Grabe gyod nako kasuko biskay not feeling well pako adto, ang Sandro pod diay ambot ga uwag2 pod diays laen..maoy ingon sa iyang kauban. Wa na jod ko antos nalabay nako ang cellphone sa kasuko nya nikalit lang sakit akong tiyan. As in perting sakit jod kanang murag naay gihugot sa ilawom. Mao to daghanay dugo ang nigawas. Gi dali2 kog dala sa akong manghod na laki sa hospital. Nawala jod among baby. Pagbuntag adto niadto sya sa hospital. Nag wild jod ko pagkakita niya. Surok jod akong dugo. He tried to hug me para ma undang ko. I cried out loud, gihimo nako syag punching bag nya sege syag sorry nako while naghilak. Sya ra jod akong gi blame adto tanan. Kung wala lang sya galaag adto na time, kung naa na unta mi adtos balay maagapan nya to, di unta mawala si baby. 

Days, weeks and months I was still grieving. Dili lalim mawal.an ug anak grabe kasakit, walay kabutangan ang kasakit. Dugay nya ko naka move on. Then gi pol.an ko sa among relasyon ni Sandro. Wa nakoy gana. Di nako mudungan kaon ug di na mi mudungan adto work ug uli. Di nako mutapad tulog niya kay siya jod ako gbasol sa tanan. He tried to reached me out, he tried to fixed everything pero wala na gyod ko ganahe. Nag explain sya sa ako about that night nga nahubog jod daw sya pero wala nakoy pakialam. Until I had my decision, nakigbuwag nako sa iya. Wala sya misugot kay ma fix lang lagi daw mag hold lang mis usag-usa pero wala nako naminaw niya. Niule ko sa amo, my parents respected my decision, wala sila nagbabag sa amo ni Sandro. But Sandro never gave up, sege syag adto sa amo balay para kuwaon ko kay muuli daw mi sa amo pero wa ko misugot until si papa na ang nag storya sa iya na pasagdan sa daw ko kay libog pa akong utok. Tagaan sa daw kog oras. So mao to wala sa sya nagpakita sa ako. I treated him cold whenever he's in my vicinity kanang murag wala lang sya nag exist. 

One day, a friend called me if interested ba daw ko mu larga sa Singapore para mag work. Naa man daw vacant ang Embassy ng pilipinas ddto, iya daw ko e recommend since wala nakoy trabaho adto na time kay after sa adtong nahitabo nag resign ko. So I took the opportunity para maka layo na pod ko sa akong mga problema ug kang Sandro pod. Basig ddto nako maka move on. So nag process kog requirements, after ko na fixed tanan I told Sandro about it, not to asked for his permission but just to let him know. Wala sya nisugot ug nasuko siya. Giingnan nako sya na "musugot ka o dli, di ko papugong sa imo. Nagpahibaw rako". Iya ko gigakos nya naghilak sya. He asked me"Dili nako nimo love?" I answered him back "Love ko kaw pero di ko pa kaya." I let go of his arms kay kung dili? Dili jod ko kadayon. Ako lang gipugngan na di ko kahilak. Lisod e let go ang tawo nga love jod nimo pero mas sakit kung di ka mag move on, para raman pod nas imo. So larga nako. Sa eroplano, sge ko hilak. Wa ko kasabot ug nagbasol ba kong gibiyaan nako siya. But I stood my decision. Ni abot ko sa Singapore nga naay work nag hulat. Three years akong contract ddto. Until naka adjust nako sa akong life ddto, na kalimot nako gamay sa akong mga problema sa una pero never jod nako nalimtan si Sandro. I even got a txt from him before I boarded the plane says: "Maghulat lang ko sa imo bahala dugay. Kay ikaw ra jod akong higugmaon bisag mamatay nako. Ikaw lang, mahal. Ikaw lang. Please pag amping baya diha. Kay Kung maunsa ka basig ikamatay na nako. I love you Isabelle. Take care." Mao nang rason ngano perti nako hilak sa eroplano. So I go on with my life. I moved on from my past. Three years went so fast, niuli ko sa pilipinas. Luckily, ang akong gilikayan makit.an kay wala, si Sandro. Adto daw sya sa Dubai nag vacation sa iyang igsoon na nag settle na ddto. Three months daw sya ddto. Naka leave diay syas work. My vacation here was fun. Laag ddto, laag dri. Bisag asa nalang ko mahagad sa akong mga friends. I can say na happy ko pero there was a part of me na naay gusto makit.an pero para nako sakto rapod ug di sa mi magkita. After two weeks of staying here sa pinas, I received an overseas call. I immediately answered it kay basin nya akong boss. Pag answer nako, I heard a very familiar voice, the voice that I longed to hear for a long time. It was Sandro. I closed my eyes. I stopped my self not to cry. I remained calm. The conversation was:

Him: Hi, kumusta na? Nakauli na diay ka?

Me: Yes. Two weeks ago. Ok ra ko. Ikaw?

Him: Ok na ok na nadunggan nako imong tingog. 

(Silence.)

Him: When ka balik ddto? Timing pod naa ko dri sa Dubai. Sa June pa ko maka balik pinas.

Me: Naa pa koy two weeks diri then after, mu balik ra dayon ko.

Him: Another contract na pod?

Me: Yes.

Him: Isabelle?....Mahal?

(Silence. How I missed his endearment. I closed my ayes.)

Me: Oh?

Him: Naa pa ka? Di man ka mutingog. 

Me: Oh..naa ra ko. 

Him: Uhmm...I missed you mahal.

( Silence.)

Me: I missed you pod, Sandro.

Him: I love you, Isabelle. Ikaw ra jod walay lain.

I couldn't endure what I have felt. I covered my mouth for him not to have an idea that I cried. (Silence was in between. )

Him: It's ok mahal kung walay I love you too. I understand. Sege pahulay na diha kay I know alas 11 na na dihaa. Goodnight, Isabelle...mahal.

Me: Ok. Bye.

We ended the call. Therefore, parehas mi walay plano mag move on sa usag-usa. After that call, wala na dayon na sundan. I admit, naghulat ko pero natapos nalang akong vacation wala jod. So balik ko Singapore, another two years napod. Back-to-basic ko. I go on with my life. Tried to forget the last conversation we had. Two years na walay siya, walay message gikan sa iya, walay presence niya. I missed him so much and I still do love Sandro. 

Two years had passed, dalia sa panahon. Naka balik na pod ko pinas. And I expected na magkita na jod mi. After days since I arrived, someone texted me, it was him asking "Hi, musta? Pwde ko mubisita sa inyo?" I replied. "Pwde man.(smiley emoji). Wala Ray 5mins naa na dayon sya haskang dalia, naglupad galing? Napansin ko naay nagsig peep sa gawas among gate. Then niana si mama sa akong sister na ablihan daw ang gate kay naa si Sandro. I was surprised. How did mama know na si Sandro to? But I pretended na wala ko kadungog. I asked my mama:

Me: Kinsa na ma?

Mama: Si Sandro.

Me: Really? Naa na syay car?

Mama: Oo. Kwatrahan na nang imong bana. Nagkinaugalingong negosyo na.

Wala na ko nitubay man. Wala man pod koy pakialam kung dato na kay sya. Anyways, pag sulod niyas amoang sala, wala ko katingog. Nausab na ang unggoy! Orangutan na! Haha. Shocks! Ka pogi na oi. Lami kayo gakson. Kung kaybaw pa lang sya kung unsa kamingaw na wala sya..ambot lang. Pero namugong ko. Huhu di na jod sya basta2 oi. Ako nalay mauwaw. Sandro and I had a light conversation. Until someone called him through phone and he needed to go. I was a bit sad, I wanted to be with him much longer but I can't. Lisod pod ako sya pugngan. So ni lakaw na sya. He even said na if di ko busy basig pwde daw ko niya i laag. I answered him yes. Walay jod pakipot ba. Hehe

Dinner time. Papa asked me about Sandro.

Papa: Niari diay si Sandro ganina?

Mama: Oo. Si Isabelle ang tuyo

Papa: (nilantaw sa ako) I was the one who called Sandro. I didn't know na niari diay sya. We have a business together. He has a big part of it actually. Maong sege mi mag kuyog. Don't you know that Sandro never missed a day visiting here? Aside if he's out of town. We even invited him for dinners and lunch during weekdays.

Me: (na shock) Really? I didn't know.

Papa: Sandro never changed his treatment sa amo, nak. He still treat us as his own parents. You know, he grew up na walay parents nag atiman sa iya, only his Lola. But he's better than before. Sandro is a good man, nak. You're still the one he loves. I didn't tell you this para mapugos ka sa iya but I'm just telling you how Sandro was when you left.

Me: (crying) I don't know, Pa. I don't know. 

Sister: Te, if you only knew lang jod.

Me: Why? Unsa diay?

Mama: He attempted suicide, nak. Wala niya na kaya adtong gibiyaan nimo siya.

Me: (I burst out crying) Ngano wala man ko kaybaw Ma? Pa?

Papa: Sya mismo naglaong na di ka pabaw.on. 

After adto, I ran to my room. Didto ko naghilak ng bonggang bongga. Halos di ko ma absorb tanan akong nabaw.an. I felt guilty. Feeling ko ako tanan an sayaan. I never listened to his side. I was blinded with so much hatred. Ako ra kaugalingon ako tag isip. Nawala si Sandro sa sistema nako. After crying. I texted Sandro:

Me: Where are you?

Him: Sa house na. Why?

Me: Busy ka? Pick me up pls.

Him: No. Ok.

I waited him outside. Para di na sya mu sulod sa among balay. Pag abot niya. Nisakay ko diretso.

Me: Take me somewhere.

Him: (natingala) Naunsa man ka? What happened? Were you crying?

Me: Basta! Take me somewhere.

Mauwaw ko mag open up about sa akong problema. Where infact siya man jod akong problema. Taod2 murag naka gets ko asa mi padung. Sa amoang balay ni Sandro. He stopped the car.

Me: Ngano naa man ta diri?

Him: I live here.

Nanulod mi. Wa ko kasabot sa akong gibati. After five long years, naka balik ko sa among balay ni Sandro. Walay halos nausab. Nadungagan lang ug gamit nya nindot na kay gi usab ang pintura tapos sliding na tanan windows. Nibalik jod tanan memories pag step in nako huhu. Di jod ko kalimot how our life before adtong ok pa ang tanan. Kung wala lang siguro to nahitabo, siguro ga dagan2 na among anak ddto. Didto na dayun ko nihilak usab. Sandro hugged me from behind.

Him: I'm sorry. Wala Lang jod koy place maisip kung asa ka dal.on. Kay Kung mangutana ko sge ra man kag somewhere gud. Isabelle..natuman na jod ang usa nako nga pangandoy. Ang mauli tika usab diria..Sa atong balay.

I faced him and hugged him back. Naghilak jod ko. Wa koy masulti. Hilak ra jod ako nahimo. Naglingkod mis sala. 

Me: Sandro? I'm sorry. I'm sorry jud. Papa told me everything. I'm sorry, Sandro. I was so selfish. Sorry, sorry. (While crying)

Him: I forgave you already. I know nga may mali pod ko. Pero tapos naman to. Let's just live it in the past.

Me: Sandro? Do you still love me?

Him: I never stopped loving you, Isabelle. Diba ana ko nga ikaw ra?

Me: Would you still accept me?

Him: Why wouldn't I? You are still my wife. I still love you, mahal.

I kissed him. I'm happy. I really am. 

Me: Mahal..I love you....naghilak ka?

Him: Mahal, natuman na jod akong mga gi ampo. Nibalik naka sa akoa. Mahal, ayaw nako biyae ha? Please. Di nako makaya. 

Me: Dili na mahal. Dili na. 

After that, we had our sweet moments together. Sandro is still Sandro. He makes me laugh, he always make me happy and he always give me reason to love him more.After all the ka dramahan had happened. I decided not to continue to work abroad. I only want to be with Sandro for the rest of my life. We live together again. Naa na mi baby boy and I am pregnant again sa among second child. Kugihan pod lage siya oi hehe. Sandro is a cool dad. He's still witty and funny. Actually, mas kulit pa sya sa among baby Elijah.

Sandro and I, we've been to a tough time of our lives. We never imagined how our life would be kung wala mi nagbalik. Sa karon, maka ingon jod ko nga adtong nahitabo nahimong lesson to para sa amo. That whatever it take, we still stick for each other, we still be strong for our family specially to our children. I've no regrets when I chose to stay with Sandro because everything filled with pure bliss.

To Sandro,

Mahal. I made this confession not to gain any from the readers but for them to know how blessed I am of having you in my life. Thank you for not giving up on me, for giving me so much joy, for being a caring and a loving dad and so thoughtful to me. I love you so much, Mahal. Continue being so witty and funny, it lights up my day hehe. And mahal, please do all the household in precise para di ta sig balik2 oi. Kapoy baya mahal hehe and please, di sig arte2 kung mag poop si Elijah ha? Nawnong nimo di jod ma porma mahal. Hahaha. Thank you for everything and loving me, us more than anything. I love you, Sandro..baho ilok! Hahaha

Thank YOU UCFB. 

Ps: Thank you if ever posted.

Isabelle, 29

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